Over-by-over: India innings

  • 2019-11-16
  • 来源:摇钱树娱乐-平台Welcome~

Preamble: Hello. England are 2-1 up against India. I'll repeat that: England are 2-1 up against India. Today we could learn whether this happy state of affairs is an aberration or the beginning of a glorious new chapter in ths annals of English one-day cricket. Or neither, which is probably the most likely outcome of the three. But I digress! The early news is that Rahul Dravid has won yet another toss and, learning from his Edgbaston error, has decided to bat first. England have brought back Andrew Flintoff on his home ground in place of , which is fair enough, while India have replaced Munaf Patel with Ajit Agarkar, which isn't. Incidentally, the picture you are unfortunate enough to be looking at was not put there by me, but by the resident GU court jester. "Yak cult?" screams David. "Is that drink made from the milk of a freshly aroused yak? Let me at it." Help...

A propos of nothing in particular "Did you know that tonight is Malaysia's 50th anniversary as a country?" writes Graham Iceberg (if Iceberg really is his surname). "Well it is, and I have a grandstand view on my balcony for the twin-towers fireworks display at midnight, coupled with your witty loosely-cricket-based scribbles, two cans of ice lemon tea and a bun with a sausage inside. Let battle commence!" Does life get any better than that? Eh? Oh.

Yakult Smyth has Relentless. I have Yakult. Each to their own, OK? "Are you actually drinking that Yakult or have you got your tongue stuck in the bottleneck?" wonders Huw Neill. I'll have you know, Huw, that my Yakult experience was part of an in-depth investigation for G2 on the rise and rise of liquid food. I broke new journalistic ground that day, oh yes I did...

More time-filling tat Old Trafford looks very grey and windy from where I'm sitting in EC1R and Bumble Lloyd has just done a hilarious report on the state of the outfield, which is still recovering from an Arctic Monkeys concert. That man is a comic genius. Speaking of comic geniuses, here's Keith Flett. "The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that analysis of the first three one day matches between England and India suggest that appearance could be the key difference between the two sides..." There's more but I won't foist it upon you.

Insults dept "'Breaking new journalistic ground??' scoffs Andy "Two Question-Marks" Banks. "I'll believe that when I see it! It's the first time I've heard an OBO writer being accused of journalism..." We might not do journalism, TQM, but we can do irony...

Random inanities while I wait for the game to start "I reckon we should bring back Strauss as captain of the one-day side," says Rupert Good. "Sure he had his faults, but Collingwood can't pick a coin toss for toffee. Also, has there been any research done on the compative health benefits of Yakult and Relentless? Are there any cocktails that feature both?" No.

Gary Naylor speaketh "India have bowled 61 overs of spin in this series and we can expect at least 20 more today. England have bowled just 20, all from Monty with 10 more at most today. Notwithstanding the scoreline, are England missing a trick here? I'd like to see England try to develop another spinning option to complement or rest Monty (especially when Flintoff doesn't play) with Schofield and Swann the two I favour." I was reading you with interest, Naylor, until you mentioned Schofield.

1st over: India 6-0 (Ganguly 4, Tendulkar 1) Stuart Broad gets things going from the Brian Statham End. Yes, that's the Brian Statham End, the end from which Brian Statham rarely bowled when he was chugging in for Lancashire. I had the pleasure of travelling to Manchester yesterday to interview Broad - he really is a lovely guy. But I wouldn't like to face him on a pitch with a bit of bounce, and his first ball as Sourav Ganguly fencing outside off-stump. Ganguly fights back with a punchy push through the covers for four before Broad beats him again. A seesaw first over. "I bet you broke new journalistic wind that day if you followed liquid food with plenty of Yakult," says Stu Wilkins, before making an accusation about the amount of sugar in said bacterial-drink that could land us all in trouble with the Yakult lawyers.

2nd over: India 10-0 (Ganguly 4, Tendulkar 5) Jimmy Anderson begins with three short balls to Sachin Tendulkar, but the fourth is more of a long-hop: that's four just in front of Paul Collingwood at point. A good over otherwise - and proof that England reckon back-of-a-length is the way forward. "Just found this about yaks," says birthday girl Amy Clements. "Another [curiosity] is the wild kutas [yak]. This is a very wild and ferocious beast. In whatever manner it attacks one it proves fatal: whether it strike with its horns, or kick, or overthrow its victim. If it has no opportunity of doing any of these things, it tosses its enemy with its tongue, twenty gaz into the air, and he is dead before reaching the ground." Nothing if not utterly bizarre.

3rd over: India 17-0 (Ganguly 9, Tendulkar 5) Lucky Sourav. He shimmies down the pitch to try to hit Broad back over his head, but ends up hitting it back over his own head instead: that's four runs to long-stop. My primary-school team would have limited it to a single. Broad gets no-balled for a second bouncer in the over, before man-of-the-moment Ian Bell pounces at cover to cut off a certain Ganguly boundary. "What are we going to call this new OBO cocktail?" wonders Simon Davidson, speaking for thousands of you in the process. "Relentult doesn't sound very appetising. But Yakless..."

WICKET! Ganguly c Bell b Anderson 9 (17-1) The short ball does the trick, but it wasn't much of a shot. Ganguly takes his eye off the ball as he tries to whack Anderson over square-leg but instead he lobs it straight up in the air and Bell is waiting for him. "The problem with Collingwood as one-day skipper, Rupert Good, would surely be his coin tossing rather than his calling since the visiting skipper gets to call," says Derek "Pedant" Fordham.

4th over: India 17-1 (Tendulkar 5, Karthik 0) The Guardian's Bell left the field after taking that catch - let's hope it's nothing drastic as Anderson beats Tendulkar's grope. A wicket maiden. "So, let's see," says Billy Mills, oozing sarcastic intent. "Gary Naylor is suggesting that the team that are wining 2 -1 should copy the tactics of the team that are losing. Interesting idea."

5th over: India 22-1 (Tendulkar 5, Karthik 4) More bad luck for Broad, who is Chinese-cut to fine leg for four by Dinesh Karthik and looks for a second as if he wants to cry bitter tears down his fresh-faced cheeks. He refrains. He really is bowling well: a leg-bye constitutes the rest of the damage off the over. "I drank a Yakult every day when I lived in Japan, whence it originates," reveals Steve Banjo. "It goes down particularly well with a can of the other very popular Japanese soft drink "Pocari Sweat". Delicious, as long as you can ignore the unfortunate coalition of its unappetising name, slightly salty taste, and semen-white colouring."

6th over: India 22-1 (Tendulkar 5, Karthik 4) Anderson is right on the money. He has entered a new class of one-day fast-bowling in this series. As Broad pointed out yesterday, he's got loads of experience for one so young and it's slowly coming to fruition. He does go up for a leg-side strangle there against Karthik, but umpire Aleem Dar rightly rules that the ball hit thigh pad. Still, another maiden from Anderson, the man who can do no wrong. "What about the Relentless Cult of the Occult Yakult on the Beach?" suggests Matthew Rushworth.

7th over: India 23-1 (Tendulkar 6, Karthik 4) Broad is scarcely bowling much less impressively than Anderson, and Tendulkar can only chop his third ball to Monty Panesar at third man for a single. It's been another quiet start from Sachin. One off the over, but I have the feeling this pitch is not quite the bounce-fest we had been expecting.

8th over: India 27-1 (Tendulkar 10, Karthik 4) Anderson has removed Tendulkar five times this summer - as bunnies go, not bad - and he almost makes it six with a beauty that nips away just at the last moment. This is high-class stuff from Anderson: he's mixing it up and getting in Sachin's face - a sentence which made the subsequent batter for four through the covers particularly inevitable. Still, that was only the second scoring shot off Anderson in four overs. "It shouldn't be 'YAKult' anyway," says Richard O'Hagan, taking pedantry to new highs/lows. "Yaks are the males. The females are called 'dri' or 'drey'. And their milk is pink. Which makes the whole thing closer to Relentless than you would want."

9th over: India 27-1 (Tendulkar 10, Karthik 4) Karthik is not looking comfortable at No3. Why not send in Rahul Dravid instead (he wrote, gloriously wise after the event)? Broad is giving him nothing to hit, but even so: why not get your best batsmen in there early? A maiden. "In response to Steve Banjo's vivid description of pocari sweat as salty and semen-white in colour I must agree it is indeed a delicious drink and one which I consumed in large quantities when I visited Japan," says Rupert Marquand. "At least I hope that was pocari sweat." Enough.

10th over: India 31-1 (Tendulkar 14, Karthik 4) Tendulkar edges Anderson at catchable height through second/third slip and away for four: England had only Andrew Flintoff at first. If Ian Botham were commentating now, he would be raging at the absence of seven slips and a gully. But he's not and England are bowling superbly. Meanwhile, the Pocari Sweat debate rages on! "Here in Seoul," writes Michael Gibb, "where Pocari Sweat is a popular energy drink I down a can a day and it is neither salty and nor semen-coloured. I'd advise Mr Banjo not to leave his unattended in case of can-tampering."

WICKET! Karthik c Prior b Broad 4 (31-2) Broad's worst ball of the day gets a well-deserved wicket as Karthik chases a widish one and gets a thick nick through to Matt Prior: four off 22 balls will not be one for the Karthik family album.

11th over: India 32-2 (Tendulkar 14, Dravid 1) This is precisely the kind of situation Dravid loves, but with Flintoff still to bowl I can't see him being offered any freebies. One off the over: a Dravid push to wide mid-off. Suddenly, England have a one-day opening attack worthy of the name. Seemingly unencumbered by such excitement, Brian Ross-Meering points out that even Yakult's own website admits that every 65ml bottle contains two heaped teaspoons of sugar.

WICKET! Dravid c Prior b Flintoff 1 (32-3) Flintoff, in his first spell of bowling in an ODI on his home ground for four years, begins with a wicket maiden by having Dravid caught behind off the last ball of a quite immaculate over. It left Dravid, he nibbled and Prior did the rest. England are looking superb; India clueless. "Richard O'Hagan is correct in saying that the female term for a yak is the 'dri'," says David White. "But unless we are all speaking Tibetan here then the term for both sexes is in fact just 'yak'. Usually I speak English. How about you, Richard O'Hagan?!"

13th over: India 36-3 (Tendulkar 18, Yuvraj Singh 0) A lot now depends on Sachin as I wrestle with a few technical issues in GU Towers and he responds with an oh-so-simple off-drive for four as Anderson for once pitches it up. No swing there, which might dissuade Anderson from a repeat. "Bonjour Laurent, ça va?" begins resident Gallic temptress Cecile Ithurbide. "En parlant de Pocari Sweat, this is the definition found on Wikipedia. As we say in my country, miam miam: "The first part of the name, Pocari, means "like a cloud floating in the sky" or "a situation in which a cloud is floating in the sky" in Japanese, and has a connotation of lightness, buoyancy, and ease. "Sweat" was apparently intended to suggest diligence and its fruits - the idea intending to connote to the user that Pocari Sweat works to make one feel fresh and relaxed"... Quite.

14th over: India 43-3 (Tendulkar 18, Yuvraj Singh 1) A sickening five wides accrues to Flintoff's figures as he slips one down leg and Prior can't get down in time. Just to let you know that Smyth will be easing his ample behind into the commentary hotseat after 25 overs, before yours truly returns to catalogue the England innings. Jan Claes, I'm guessing, is from Belgium or the Netherlands. "Amazing," he enthuses. "Even during a cricket game, Brits can talk about terrible food. They are strange: always on the lookout for something faulty to put in their mouth! Luckily the cricket team plays a good game again." Very luckily!

15th over: India 46-3 (Tendulkar 20, Yuvraj Singh 1) Tendulkar punches Anderson through extra cover off the back foot for two, but England are controlling this game as the camera focusses on Allan Donald. He shakes his head disappointedly. What does he want? Blood? "Can you not send a minion off to mix you an Occult Yakult so it can be tried live during the next drinks break?" writes Scott Norval. "Shouldn't be too hard to arrange, as I seem to recall that the entirety of research for the original health-drinks article involved three shops within 50 yards of GU Towers." Yes, the 11am brief for a 4pm deadline didn't quite allow me to travel the length and breadth of the country.

16th over: India 48-3 (Tendulkar 21, Yuvraj Singh 2) It's as if Freddie has never been away - angling it in from wide of the stumps and cramping Tendulkar for room. There's little to be done other than to hang around and wait for the bad one, although Sachin does come up with an answer of his very own, moving across to outside off-stump and helping a perfectly respectable delivery to long leg for a single. "So," says Matthew West, "England are now good at one-day cricket, dodgy in Tests, have a dogged Essexman opening the batting, the Tories are back to blaming everything wrong with the world on young people and asylum seekers - when can I expect the pleasure of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley reforming Wham and the Guardian Weekend magazine declaring that drainpipe jeans and non-matching luminous socks are next year's big thing?"

17th over: India 52-3 (Tendulkar 25, Yuvraj Singh 2) Anderson for once strays onto Tendulkar's pads and that's four through midwicket. It's hard to criticise Anderson: that's been practically his only gimme all day and he's into his eighth over. "All I can suggest to Michael Gibb is that, like the woeful shipping of Guinness to London, Pocari Sweat loses something in its trip to Korea," says Steve Banjo, whose fault this entire sordid riff is. "It definitely has an unerring hue in its native Japan. A hue that makes you want to ralph. Or maybe Koreans just sweat differently? I don't know."

18th over: India 52-3 (Tendulkar 25, Yuvraj Singh 2) What will India consider a good score from here. To answer my own question, I'd say they'd be pleased with 240. But, to apply the Boycott test, two quick wickets here and they could be all out for 150. Flintoff almost gets one of them, nipping back a beauty past Yuvraj Singh's inside edge. Yuvraj hasn't looked at ease against Freddie so far, so much so that Flintoff greets one late leave-alone in that over with a superior smirk. A maiden. Here's Anthony Hulse "Does David White believe that the term used to describe the hairy Tibetan mammal in question is dependant on the gender of the person doing the describing (I'm pretty sure that both the male and female term for Yak is Yak, regardless of what a female Yak is called) or is he just not as good at being a pedant as he thinks? If it's the latter I'm happy to give some lessons!"

19th over: India 60-3 (Tendulkar 33, Yuvraj Singh 2) Here comes Panesar for Anderson (8-2-23-1: 20 of those runs in the form of five shots from Tendulkar) and Sachin heaves his third ball over midwicket for four. A poor ball. He then collects four more with an edgy slap to third man. A less bad ball. "I'd just like to congratulate David White on his ability to use Wikipedia and, indeed, to quote directly from it," seethes Richard O'Hagan. "Given that we are playing India it is clearly appropriate to refer to things by their native name - or do you still refer to 'Bombay', 'Calcutta' and so on, David?"

20th over: India 60-3 (Tendulkar 33, Yuvraj Singh 2) The left-handed Yuvraj looks pretty clueless against Flintoff, who is doing what he did to Adam Gilchrist in 2005 and squeezing him for dear life from round the wicket. Is there a better bowler in the world at that specific skill? And no, Smyth, Martin McCague doesn't count. A third maiden out of five for Flintoff: of the eight runs he has conceded, five have been in wides. "In over 2, Amy Clements said that the wild kutas can toss its enemy with its tongue," says Andy McLellan. "Does she know where one can be purchased?" Amy?

21st over: India 65-3 (Tendulkar 38, Yuvraj Singh 2) The powerplays come to a - from India's perspective - merciful end so on comes Paul Collingwood, whose second ball is extra-cover-driven on the up by Tendulkar for four. He's holding India together right now. Kevin Savage wins the P*ss-Poorest Pun of the Year Award: "What are all you people yakking on about?" He even has the nerve to put "Honk!" in the email subject title. Smyth will be in action in four overs' time, so start pestering him: [email protected].

22nd over: India 68-3 (Tendulkar 40, Yuvraj Singh 3) Tendulkar is looking comfortable, easing Panesar's first ball into a midwicket gap for a single, but Yuvraj can't get the ball off the square, almost falling over there as he tries to hammer Monty square on the off-side. A single to deep mid-on makes it 3 off 23 balls, which is up there with Karthik's miserable effort. "I'd just like to accept that congratulations from Richard O'Hagan," says an equally seething David White. "Please let me offer mine in return for him talking absolute ox-bolloc*s. Well done, Richard!" Now now, boys...

23rd over: India 71-3 (Tendulkar 42, Yuvraj Singh 4) Now it's Collingwood's turn to tie up Yuvraj. I'm not sure I've ever seen him so becalmed. That's four runs now in 26 balls! Smyth on in two overs. "I still refer to Bombay, because I don't say Pareee instead of Paris," says Alex Netherton, poking his head into the O'Hagan/White dust-up. Why is that, Alex? Because I'm not a pretentious clown. Or WHATEVER CLOWN IS IN FRENCH OR LATIN."

24th over: India 73-3 (Tendulkar 43, Yuvraj Singh 5) It's Sachin at one end, Eff All at the other. And the result is that Tendulkar is not getting enough strike. He milks Monty for a single first ball, then watches Yuvraj fail to score off the next four before infuriatingly keeping the strike with a swept single off the sixth. You couldn't make it up! I give you Alex McGillivray. "Having sampled Pocari Sweat in both Korea and Japan, I can tell you there's precious little between them (the hue is definitely an odd one, in both countries) but surely the superior energy drink in Korea is Bacchus, the rocket fuel in little brown vials?" Took the words right out of my mouth, Alex.

25th over: India 76-3 (Tendulkar 44, Yuvraj Singh 7) A quiet over from Collingwood, and - needless to say - Yuvraj. Right, that's me done until England embark on their pursuit of 378 to win later this afternoon. Be gentle with Smyth. He's having a hard life.

Hello Is it me you're looking for? Because I wonder where you are, and I wonder what you do. Are you somewhere feeling lonely? Or is someone loving you? Tell me how to win your heart, for I havent gooooooooooooot a clue. But let me start by saying... I love you.

26th over: India 82-3 (Tendulkar 45, Yuvraj 12) A real girl asking you to slow dance. The Man gently massaging your swingers. England looking genuinely very good at one-day cricket. I don't know which is the more unsettling, or unlikely, but at least one of them has come true today. And England look quite good too honketcandsoforth. A good over from Panesar is tarnished by a loose last ball, which Yuvraj chops to third man for his first boundary. Here's Alex Netherton. "Do you fancy plugging ?" I can't say no; I'm one of life's good guys.

27th over: India 86-3 (Tendulkar 46, Yuvraj 15) Collingwood's wicket-to-wicket dribble is starting to frustrate India. Tendulkar walks across his stumps and tries to lap one from wide of off stump (he missed), and then he spanks the next ball not far short of mid-off. Four from the over. I've been receiving emails about sweat, which I presume are the sloppiest of Booth's seconds. Well, is the only sweat I'm interested it. The best and most moving song ever - and you can quote me on that.

28th over: India 93-3 (Tendulkar 47, Yuvraj 21) Yuvraj has officially got his eye in now, and when Panesar drops short he cuts emphatically for his second boundary in as many Panesar overs. "Re over 20: I haven't yet found where to purchase a wild kuta, sorry Andy," begins Amy Clemenrts. "However, I'm sure there may be a suitable *ahem* retailer in Soho. Though yaks may not quite be what they're offering for sale. Alternatively, I'd ask Lawrence, given that he seems to be working his tongue around his yak(ult) quite effectively in that picture..." What is this orgy I've been left me in charge of? What next: strap-ons are 2-for-1 at Ann Summers? And, please, no emails about Relentless - I've been banned from eulogising it, mainly because work is supposed to be work rather than a hobby.

29th over: India 99-3 (Tendulkar 51, Yuvraj 23) Tendulkar reaches a very responsible 50, from 81 balls and with seven fours. The runs are coming at a decent rate for India now - six from that Collingwood over - but England might be more concerned with the fact that Flintoff is grimacing after hurting his ankle fielding at long-off.

WICKET! India 103-4 (Tendulkar c Flintoff b Pietersen 55) Blimey. Collingwood throws the ball to Pietersen for only the second time in an ODI this year - and he strikes with his third ball as Tendulkar top-edges a hoick straight to Flintoff at deep square leg. It was a rubbish delivery really, and that is a massive bonus for England. Pietersen celebrates Brett Lee-style, punching the bejesus out of an imaginary body at his feet, and nobody can quite believe what has happened.

30th over: India 105-4 (Yuvraj 24, Dhoni 1) "Hello peasants," says Tom Lutz. "There's a Small Talk in tomorrow's date for a sub."

31st over: India 109-4 (Yuvraj 26, Dhoni 3) Flintoff is still on the field, and moving freely, although we won't really know until he bowls again. Four from Collingwood's over.

GU'S VERY OWN MURDER MYSTERY SORT OF"Has anyone found a black Sony tape cassette recorder (5" x 3") with three or four spare cassettes in a rectangular blue plastic case (8" x 6"), last seen in July?" says Richard Doughty. "Any leads welcome." Can I be Poirot?

32nd over: India 112-4 (Yuvraj 28, Dhoni 4) Collingwood replaces Pietersen with Flintoff, which has to be the right move with a new batsman at the crease, especially one in Dhoni who many feel doesn't like it up 'im. First Flintoff has a crack at Yuvraj, beating him with an excellent lifter. Then Dhoni, driven onto the back foot, very nearly kicks his own wicket. "Hi Rob," says Rich W. "With all your film references, shouldn't you be working for the film section of the Guardian? Then we could see whether Peter Bradshaw could hack it on the OBO. Hang on, what about a film MBM? That could be good. Alternatively, it could be cwap..." I think it would be appropriate to try it with something arthouse. Like Two Moon Junction.

33rd over: India 119-4 (Yuvraj 31, Dhoni 8) Collingwood continues to get away with murder. Well, eminently hittable medium-paced bowling. And he very nearly gets a wicket when Dhoni, going back to one that grubbed nastily, bottom-edges through Prior's legs and away for four. I'd like to blame Prior for most things, especially the last season of the OC, but that wasn't his fault. "Why does he want the leads if the recorder is missing?" HO-HONKS Roger Cook. I don't know what makes me sadder: the joke, or the fact that I genuinely snortled at said joke.

34th over: India 123-4 (Yuvraj 35, Dhoni 8) Phew! For a minute there I lost myself, mainly due to yet more abuse for this morning, but you only missed yet another economical over from Flintoff, ruined only by a genuine edge from Yuvraj that went right through the vacant first-slip area for four. Gah! Balls! Gah!

35th over: India 128-4 (Yuvraj 38, Dhoni 10) Yuvraj flicks Collingwood fine for a couple. England have an issue with their fifth bowler because, even if Collingwood bowls through as he surely will, they need to squeeze four from Panesar, Bopara and Pietersen. I'd be inclined to use Bopara. "Any chance of plugging Click at the Hackney Empire?" asks Lee Rodwell. "The current line-up includes Rory Bremner, Marcus Brigstocke, Lucy Porter and Andrew Maxwell with plenty more great acts likely to be added yet..." Will Eugene Levy be there? I like him. He's real funny.

36th over: India 132-4 (Yuvraj 38, Dhoni 12) I'd be inclined to use Bopara, and there's a reason why I'm here and Paul Collingwood is out there: he's turned to Panesar, and four runs come from the over. England could really do with getting one or both of these out before the slog overs. "Hey Rob," says Baiju Francis. "My wife's coming to pick me up for dinner but I want to stay home and watch the cricket. What excuse could I possibly give her?" Tell her it's over, that you've never loved her, only to have a dramatic overnight change of heart?

37th over: India 139-4 (Yuvraj 41, Dhoni 9743) Some inept fielding from Panesar gives Yuvraj an extra run. Seven from the over, all in no-risk ones and twos. I'm all over the place here, so apologies if the individual scores are one or two wide of the mark. " is to test your contention that you're a good guy - a genuinely innovative HIV prevention project based in Sierra Leone and starting very soon - and we need to raise a ton of cash," says Mark Nunn. "Can you help? Or rather pass on the obligation/encouragement to help to your readership?"

Today on the OBO couch we have Steve Baker "I have no idea why I'm moved to confess this but the mention of Two Moon Junction has brought some memories flooding back. Back in the days of my childhood I returned home after a monster session of Super Mario Kart round my friend's house to find my old man sitting watching a film. When I asked him what it was called he replied casually 'Two Moon Junction', he looked a little less comfortable when I asked him what it was about, no doubt not particularly eager to reply: 'Oh it's about a young Southern debutante who temporarily abandons her posh lifestyle and upcoming, semi-arranged marriage to have a lustful and erotic fling with a rugged drifter who works at a local carnival'. To my surprise he asked if I wanted to watch it with him and thus, I learnt about the birds and bees without the need for awkward conversation and with one hell of a soundtrack to boot. Is that a bit odd do you think? If so, focus on the Super Mario Kart aspect of the story. My favourite was always Koopa Troopa...."

WICKET! India 140-5 (Dhoni b Panesar 13) That's the Monty we know from Test cricket. He cleans Dhoni up with an absolute peach that drifts onto middle and then spits away to hit off. A wonderful delivery, similar to the one that got Younis Khan in last year's Headingley Test, and a really important wicket for England.

38th over: India 140-5 (Yuvraj 47, Agarkar 0)

WICKET! India 147-6 (Agarkar c Prior b Broad 4) Broad comes back for Collingwood. It's good to see England still pushing for wickets even now, and there's another one as Agarkar pushes feebly at a shortish delivery and edges through to Panesar. Prior, even. Panesar? WTF?

39th over: India 147-6 (Yuvraj 47, Powar 0) "Mario Kart," says Ian Cheney. "Depends whether we're talking SNES or N64 version. Cooper Trooper was abmittedly top reptile on the original but toad had it down to a fine blade of grass in the follow up." Great stuff - that email has pushed this OBO up past 8.0 on the special GU Irreverenceometer.

40th over: India 148-6 (Yuvraj 48, Powar 0) A very canny over from Panesar to Yuvraj yields just one run. This might be a very important little spell in his development as a one-day bowler. It might not, but it might.

41st over: India 164-6 (Yuvraj 64, Powar 0) Brilliant stuff from Yuvraj, who pilfers 16 from Broad's over. First he reaches his half-century in real style, pulling mightily over midwicket for six, and then he blasts two superb cover-drives to the fence. "I see Keith Flett wrote in to bore us all again," chirps Duncan Fletcher. "He probably already knows this, but I read something at the weekend saying that the key to growing a good beard is thinking about sex too much. Thinking about sex = more testosterone = thicker beard. So basically Flett and anyone else in his informal network are all just filthy sex obsessed perverts." A compelling argument with only one small flaw: I don't have a good beard.

42nd over: India 168-6 (Yuvraj 67, Powar 1) "Have you been out on the beers by any chance?" says Rachel Clifton, which says it all really.

43rd over: India 174-6 (Yuvraj 71, Powar 2) Flintoff replaces Broad (8-1-41-2). England need to be careful here, because anything over, say, 227 would not be an easy chase, especially as it's spinning appreciably. They get six more in that over, all in ones and twos, and that will be enough against Flintoff if they can hammer the rest for 8-10 an over. "Surely if you haven't got a good beard you should try thinking about sex more often. Mind you don't let me catch you doing it though you dirty little scamp or I shall have your guts for garters! I can always check your underpants when I do the washing you know! Love, Mother," says David Weston. This is just wrong on so many levels.

44th over: India 177-6 (Yuvraj 71, Powar 5) Yuvraj is one of the world's better finishers, blessed with power, fleet feet and a healthy dose of improvisation. But he only gets to face two balls in that over, because Powar takes the first four. Good over from Panesar; three from it, and he ends with figures of 10-0-39-1. It's been one of his better pyjama days. "Talking of sexually obsessed perverts," says Stefan Webb, "am I correct in assuming that there will be an OBO/Fiver leaving do for you at that fine Farringdon establishment, the Griffin?" I didn't think I'd told anyone about my Special Leaving Do?

WICKET! India 178-7 (Yuvraj b Broad 71) Yuvraj, stepping across his stumps to flick to leg, is yorked behind his legs by Broad, bowling over the wicket to the left-hander. If Broad meant that, and I'm pretty sure he did, it's a really good piece of bowling.

WICKET! India 179-8 (Powar c Bell b Broad 5) Another one gone, as Powar falls to the short ball once again, hoicking a pull from outside off stump straight to Bell at midwicket. Broad's figures are now a career-best 4 for 43.

45th over: India 179-8 (Chawla 1, Zaheer 0) Here's Jamie Westwood. "Re. Steve Baker, over 37, can you castigate him for just cutting and pasting the IMDB entry for Two Moon Junction and adding some twaddle about his dad in an effort to get published." In fairness, I've used a lot worse.

TECHNICAL PROBLEMS AHOY You missed Jimmy Anderson taking the last two wickets, one thanks to a brilliant catch from Ravi Bopara.

50th over: India 212 Sorry about that. India managed to hack, smear and dash their way to 212 all out - not as below par as you might think on a slightly awkward pitch, but England should go 3-1 up some time around 9.47pm. Please join Lawrence Booth in 20 minutes' time for the rest of the action. Please.